Since the moment I opened this blog I’ve gone back and forth on what should be my very first post. So many things to talk about, so many thoughts and emotions and messages I want to get out, but I just didn’t know where to start.
Today, in a random conversation during my lunch I was asked, “how do you smile and are so happy all the time even after going through so much?” following that I was asked “how were you able to forgive and are okay?”. When I tell you that I felt this question so deep in my heart. It is one of my biggest struggles in my spiritual journey. It sat with me all day and it just hit me. This is it! Why not start a series with what to this day, is my biggest struggle: FORGIVENESS!
Let’s start with the basics: what is forgiveness? For me, it’s letting go and letting God. To forgive is to understand that things happen, and it sometimes hurts like crazy but we must let go even when it hurts. We have to forgive to free ourselves from the pain, the hurt, the resentment, the vengeance that we’re holding on to. Forgiveness is FREEDOM!
Ironically enough, one year ago today I forgave someone who played a huge role in my story that I never thought I’d let go. I’ll share more about that later, for now lets visit that very moment in time where I felt so much hate and anger.
I use to pray to God to take the pain away, free me from the hate that I had in my heart for this person. Even though there were moments I thought I had let it go, I never truly did. This weighed heavy for 5 years. Yes, FIVE WHOLE YEARS! But why? Did I completely give it to God? Did I trust Him enough to know that the pain I felt was for a greater purpose? Did I accept why that had to happen to me? The answer is NO! I chose to be chained in my own pain. I chose to carry hurt and sadness instead of giving it to God and allowing him to free me from it.
A lot of times we hold on to this hurt not knowing that this is keeping us from our blessing. We choose to marinate in the pain, instead of marinating in God’s presence and allowing him to free us. When you experience God’s love, you experience peace. And with peace comes freedom.
The reason I am able to forgive today and be okay, is because I experienced God’s love and the peace that it brought over my life. It helped me understand that He allowed certain things to happen to me, even though it tore me apart, all for a greater purpose. Knowing that, brings me peace and freedom even after heartache.
So today I ask you: What does forgiveness mean to you?