What a weird place I’ve been in lately. Last weekend this “weirdness” creeped up on me. Something just did not feel right. I felt defeated, unmotivated, frustrated; but why? Nothing happened to make me feel like that. After feeling so defeated I finally decided to get out of bed and leave the house. Then something so minor happened and I thought to myself “that’s it, I’m going home to lay in bed and be alone”.
I suddenly stopped myself and asked, “why am I doing this to myself?” and continued as originally planned. As I’m driving I’m telling myself:
“I will not let defeat win”
“I will not marinate in this feeling any longer”
I get to my destination, and I express to my cousin what a weird space I felt I’m in. I started to explain in more detail and I suddenly said: “it’s like I’m depressed but not sad?”. His response couldn’t have made more sense; because you have God!
It’s like a light shined over that darkness instantly.
I started remembering what it was like to be in that place of darkness I once was. But most importantly what it was like to be in that place without Jesus. And let me tell you, it is lonely!
Depression is a scary thing, but letting it win is even scarier. I refuse to marinate in the depression because that is what the enemy wants.
The best part about having God in your life, is that he meets you right where you are, even in the darkness. And he loves you too much to leave you there. I know deep in my heart that whatever this is, God is working overtime. And he’s doing it for you too!
I pray that if you find yourself in this weird space as well, that God fills your heart with joy, peace and most importantly his love! I pray God gives you the strength to have faith in the unknown and know that He’s got you!
So today I ask you: how long will you continue to allow yourself to marinate in the defeat?