Why do we choose to not forgive others? Is it because we didn’t get an apology we think we deserved? Or we didn’t get an acknowledgement of the wrong doing? Or even worst, we didn’t get to hurt them like they hurt us?
I’m sure every person and every situation will give me a different answer.
As I’ve said before, forgiveness is one of my biggest battles in my spiritual journey. I find myself having talks with God like:
“but God they lied on me”
“but God they broke my heart”
“but God they betrayed me”
“but God they chose someone else, over me”
“but God they’re so fake”
“but God they’re bad people”
There is always a “BUT” trying to justify why I choose not to hand it over to God. Sometimes I wonder do I hold on because it’s all I have left? Or maybe because I’m afraid to start over.
As I’m writing this, I’m reflecting on the person I spoke about in my last post. I lost an important person in my life. I lost a partner and the family that we were going to become. The pain and the hurt is all I had left of that picture of “us” I had in my head. I wanted it to go back to how it was so bad, how I thought it was supposed to be. And because that could no longer happen, I chose to hold on to the pain it brought me because it’s all I had left of what was.
I knew deep down that with forgiveness came a big responsibility. It meant letting go and starting over. It meant going back to the basics and rebuilding my foundation, a new foundation.
And what a scary feeling that was.
It’s scary because we have to look in the mirror and at the end of the day we can’t blame other people. The only person you can really blame is yourself. Because we put our trust in people and putting trust in people is like building a sand castle. And when the storm comes, and the rain falls, our castle follows, because our trust was put in people to uphold us but they let us down.
So, you’re wondering what do I do with these pieces? What do I do with this regret? What do I do with this anger? What do I do with this pain? But a clean slate is the best place to start.
And when you think you have nothing is when you can find your everything in God.
Because God can’t put something new inside of you with the old foundations that you had. In order for God to do something new he has to clear the ground.
So your tears have softened the soil. And now you can build a new foundation on what he says about you, his promises and his protection. Something that is sure from on high and not from man that’ll let you down.
It’s a new season and the work has not all been for nothing. There is a harvest and you will reap what you have sown. Bear fruit.
So today I ask you: Ask God for forgiveness for trying to build a foundation without him. And then recognize that you are forgiven, so you can start over and forgive.
Build Your House on the Rock: Matthew 7:24-27
New Wine into Old Wineskins: Luke 5:36-39