A Minute

Hello.

So it’s been almost 3 months. I’m sorry.

I let my circumstances get the best of me. And as I tried to control them, in the end, it controlled me.

My plate was full, and I felt like I just couldn’t breathe. Literally. (thank you anxiety)

If you follow me on Instagram, then you know my last post was reminding everyone to breathe. No matter the circumstances, just breathe. At that point anxiety not only got the best of me mentally but physically too. 

And then… I just shut down.

A part of me feels like I failed some of you.
I get so many messages of how motivating my posts are, how my love for God is so motivating, how my positiveness brings light in to their darkness.

But I just needed a minute.

A minute to breathe. A minute to understand. A minute to pick up the pieces.

Tonight as I prayed. I just kept asking, “why did l let it beat me?”.

I knew that there was a God bigger than my fears, bigger than my circumstances. Deep down, I knew that everything would be okay. But yet, I still let my anxiety win. I still allowed myself to feel defeated knowing God’s truth.

And although I don’t have the answer as to why and how did I allow myself to get so lost in the defeat. I can tell you that He will find you just where you are, even when you yourself don’t even know where you lost yourself. And He will pick up every single shattered piece and put you back together.

See there is no perfect walk with God. Sometimes we just lose ourselves. Sometimes we feel discouraged. Sometimes we let life’s circumstance take our breath away. But the best part of having Him as the center of our world, is that in midst of the battle we remember His promises and hold tight to that.

So today I ask you: to just take a minute to BREATHE and PRAY. Hold tight to the fact that GOD’S GOT YOU no matter the circumstance!

Sincerely,

Mila ♥♥

Defender – Steffany Gretzinger | Bethel Music Worship

Distracted

It’s been a minute, I know. Strangely enough I’ve semi written three different post(s), but never finished them. By the end of this post, you may understand why.

About two weeks ago, I was feeling so uneasy. Something wasn’t right. I got up, put on some worship music and had a serious talk with God. In the midst of my tears I heard him tell me:

“YOU’RE DISTRACTED”

I can’t even begin to explain the guilt, the sadness, the shame this brought me. Because it’s TRUE! I’ve been on this race track, with different types of pit stops. For the moment, it all felt fun. I felt alive, adventurous, motivated. But the truth is, I kept making the wrong pit stops or at least they feel like the wrong pit stops. Because aren’t pit stops created to fix the issue in order to continue the race? So why didn’t I feel good enough to finish the race?

Here’s why. Those fixes were temporary fixes and not surrounded on God and His word. None of those pit stops were to check in with Him. And that’s where I went wrong.

I forgot to check in with the One in control of the race.

It’s so easy to get caught up in the high of the race that we forget. We lose sight. We become DISTRACTED! For me, checking in with God keeps me grounded, keeps me true to who I am. Without God at my center, I somehow feel like I lose control. I lose who I am.

But we serve such a forgiving and understanding God. That is the beauty of His grace. That somehow someway, in the midst of the race he flags us down. We don’t need to start the race over, but just allow him to coach us through. That is where you’ll see victory!

So today I ask you: What is distracting you from checking in with God?

Sincerely,

Mila ♥♥

song that I’m loving during this race:

Hillsong – As You Find Me

Owning My Joy

Hello March!

We made it! I don’t know about you guys but getting to March is like a breath of fresh air. January was tough and long. February came and left so quickly I don’t even remember having a moment to breathe.

In my last post, I had shared that I was in this uncomfortable weird unknown place. Man does the enemy try harder when he sees us drawing closer to God. I all of a sudden found myself surrounded by darkness. I had decided to write about it, but immediately after I was done I realized I was writing from a place of anger. I still needed time. Time to feel it, time to process, time to heal, time to find peace.

Because it felt H E A V Y.

Normally your first reaction is you dwell on it and let other people’s reality become your truth. So when they’re angry, you find yourself angry. When they’re bitter and upset about their own life, you find yourself bitter and upset about yours. These emotions are contagious, and we let people infect us. Sometimes people can be nasty, downright evil. Heartless. When people do not have God, they don’t know love. They don’t have compassion. They can even be jealous of the favor of God in your life.

They will operate in hate, because they don’t know love.

They’ll try to force feed you a bitter spoonful. And sometimes we’ll eat it because we think we have to tolerate it, as if we have to show them how strong we are and how tough we can be. But in doing so we only harm ourselves. You don’t have to hold on to everything that people throw at you. You are not who they say you are. And their words are just a reflection of what they think about themselves. And a lot of times people will want to project their insecurities onto you and make you question yourself.

And for a moment I did.

For a moment I believed what they were saying. I allowed them to get in my head and I questioned my purpose. The only reason I didn’t succumb to the things that were being thrown at me was because I managed to maintain a foundation of truth. My foundation is based on God, but God is spiritual and we live in the flesh. Its a constant battle to concentrate solely on the spirit. You need to have safeguards to remind yourself of God’s truth. My safeguards are my amazing friends. Friends that take you out of those places of darkness. Friends that tell you to stop crying, don’t stay home alone or just remind you that the offenses are just distractions from the enemy and to own your joy (thanks Tatu).

I’ve learned that this journey is long. It’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon. And in marathons there are pit stops. There are mile markers that tell you, there’s still a long way to go. But they also tell you how far you’ve gone. Remind you how far you’re going and how far God has taken you. And he’s brought you this far, he’s sure to see you through to the next marker.

And when you can’t see Gods purpose, ask for his strength. The beautiful thing about Christ is that in our weakest of times, He is the very thing that sustains us. It’s okay to call out to God. I think situations are presented to us just to remind us to call out to him. In the same way, it’s through trials that you’ll find out who is supportive and who wants to see you fall. Its through the fire that relationships are built or they crumble. It’s in the middle where you find out what routines you need to put in place and what you have to let go of.

So today I ask you: Who are you running with? What are your safeguards? How do you feed your spirit?

Sincerely,

Mila ♥♥

 

a song that got me through these past few weeks:

The Fathers Song – Upperroom

(thank you Rachel!)

Nothing Else

Hi guys!

I can’t believe I’ve gone this long without writing. I almost feel like I treated my blog, how I’ve treated God. Like when you feel like your life has to be “perfect”, or you have to be “perfect” in order to come forth?

That’s where I’ve been..

Like I needed to be in a good place to write. The same with prayer. I’ve recognized that my prayer has been off. And prayer is EVERYTHING. That connection with God, where it keeps me grounded. I let myself get lost in the chaos, even though, in a weird way it didn’t really feel chaotic.

My cousin/best friend sent me a song the other day and said “consider it for your posts”.

And here I am.

There was a verse that just hit so deep for me and truly spoke:

I’m sorry when I’ve just gone through the motions
I’m sorry when I just sang another song
Take me back to where we started
I open up my heart to You

I’m sorry when I’ve come with my agenda
I’m sorry when I forgot that You’re enough

Take me back to where we started
I open up my heart to You”

When I tell you, I just wanted to go home and just get on my knees and cry. I wanted to go home and shout that I was sorry. That I let anxiety consume me. I let depression control me. That I let my surroundings get the best of me. I was sorry that I didn’t turn to him knowing He is the answer. I was sorry that for a split second I forgot that His love is enough. That what He can give to me is more than anyone or anything on this earth can provide.  

I haven’t been mad at God. But I can’t really explain where I’ve been, because I’ve yet to understand it. What I do know, is that my mind and heart have been at war for a few weeks.

Constantly contradicting each other with God’s joy and anxiety. God’s peace with depression. God’s sufficiency with my inadequacies.

I was reminded that this uncomfortable weird unknown season isn’t for me to figure out but to just remain strong in my faith. Feed my spirit over my mind. Because even if my circumstance in this season doesn’t change, God is still God. He is still working even when it doesn’t feel like it.

And that I need to come forth even when I don’t feel enough, because He is enough. He will restore that joy.

My victory is in Him and He is all that matters.

So today I ask you: Where have you denied God’s grace in your life?

Sincerely,

Mila ♥♥

Song: 

Cody Carnes – Nothing Else

Depressed, But Not Sad.

What a weird place I’ve been in lately. Last weekend this “weirdness” creeped up on me. Something just did not feel right. I felt defeated, unmotivated, frustrated; but why? Nothing happened to make me feel like that. After feeling so defeated I finally decided to get out of bed and leave the house. Then something so minor happened and I thought to myself “that’s it, I’m going home to lay in bed and be alone”.

I suddenly stopped myself and asked, “why am I doing this to myself?” and continued as originally planned. As I’m driving I’m telling myself:

“I will not let defeat win”

“I will not marinate in this feeling any longer”

I get to my destination, and I express to my cousin what a weird space I felt I’m in. I started to explain in more detail and I suddenly said: “it’s like I’m depressed but not sad?”. His response couldn’t have made more sense; because you have God!

It’s like a light shined over that darkness instantly.

I started remembering what it was like to be in that place of darkness I once was. But most importantly what it was like to be in that place without Jesus. And let me tell you, it is lonely!

Depression is a scary thing, but letting it win is even scarier. I refuse to marinate in the depression because that is what the enemy wants.

The best part about having God in your life, is that he meets you right where you are, even in the darkness. And he loves you too much to leave you there. I know deep in my heart that whatever this is, God is working overtime. And he’s doing it for you too!

I pray that if you find yourself in this weird space as well, that God fills your heart with joy, peace and most importantly his love! I pray God gives you the strength to have faith in the unknown and know that He’s got you!

So today I ask you: how long will you continue to allow yourself to marinate in the defeat?

Sincerely,

Mila ♥♥