Nothing Else

Hi guys!

I can’t believe I’ve gone this long without writing. I almost feel like I treated my blog, how I’ve treated God. Like when you feel like your life has to be “perfect”, or you have to be “perfect” in order to come forth?

That’s where I’ve been..

Like I needed to be in a good place to write. The same with prayer. I’ve recognized that my prayer has been off. And prayer is EVERYTHING. That connection with God, where it keeps me grounded. I let myself get lost in the chaos, even though, in a weird way it didn’t really feel chaotic.

My cousin/best friend sent me a song the other day and said “consider it for your posts”.

And here I am.

There was a verse that just hit so deep for me and truly spoke:

I’m sorry when I’ve just gone through the motions
I’m sorry when I just sang another song
Take me back to where we started
I open up my heart to You

I’m sorry when I’ve come with my agenda
I’m sorry when I forgot that You’re enough

Take me back to where we started
I open up my heart to You”

When I tell you, I just wanted to go home and just get on my knees and cry. I wanted to go home and shout that I was sorry. That I let anxiety consume me. I let depression control me. That I let my surroundings get the best of me. I was sorry that I didn’t turn to him knowing He is the answer. I was sorry that for a split second I forgot that His love is enough. That what He can give to me is more than anyone or anything on this earth can provide.  

I haven’t been mad at God. But I can’t really explain where I’ve been, because I’ve yet to understand it. What I do know, is that my mind and heart have been at war for a few weeks.

Constantly contradicting each other with God’s joy and anxiety. God’s peace with depression. God’s sufficiency with my inadequacies.

I was reminded that this uncomfortable weird unknown season isn’t for me to figure out but to just remain strong in my faith. Feed my spirit over my mind. Because even if my circumstance in this season doesn’t change, God is still God. He is still working even when it doesn’t feel like it.

And that I need to come forth even when I don’t feel enough, because He is enough. He will restore that joy.

My victory is in Him and He is all that matters.

So today I ask you: Where have you denied God’s grace in your life?

Sincerely,

Mila ♥♥

Song: 

Cody Carnes – Nothing Else

Depressed, But Not Sad.

What a weird place I’ve been in lately. Last weekend this “weirdness” creeped up on me. Something just did not feel right. I felt defeated, unmotivated, frustrated; but why? Nothing happened to make me feel like that. After feeling so defeated I finally decided to get out of bed and leave the house. Then something so minor happened and I thought to myself “that’s it, I’m going home to lay in bed and be alone”.

I suddenly stopped myself and asked, “why am I doing this to myself?” and continued as originally planned. As I’m driving I’m telling myself:

“I will not let defeat win”

“I will not marinate in this feeling any longer”

I get to my destination, and I express to my cousin what a weird space I felt I’m in. I started to explain in more detail and I suddenly said: “it’s like I’m depressed but not sad?”. His response couldn’t have made more sense; because you have God!

It’s like a light shined over that darkness instantly.

I started remembering what it was like to be in that place of darkness I once was. But most importantly what it was like to be in that place without Jesus. And let me tell you, it is lonely!

Depression is a scary thing, but letting it win is even scarier. I refuse to marinate in the depression because that is what the enemy wants.

The best part about having God in your life, is that he meets you right where you are, even in the darkness. And he loves you too much to leave you there. I know deep in my heart that whatever this is, God is working overtime. And he’s doing it for you too!

I pray that if you find yourself in this weird space as well, that God fills your heart with joy, peace and most importantly his love! I pray God gives you the strength to have faith in the unknown and know that He’s got you!

So today I ask you: how long will you continue to allow yourself to marinate in the defeat?

Sincerely,

Mila ♥♥