Nothing Else

Hi guys!

I can’t believe I’ve gone this long without writing. I almost feel like I treated my blog, how I’ve treated God. Like when you feel like your life has to be “perfect”, or you have to be “perfect” in order to come forth?

That’s where I’ve been..

Like I needed to be in a good place to write. The same with prayer. I’ve recognized that my prayer has been off. And prayer is EVERYTHING. That connection with God, where it keeps me grounded. I let myself get lost in the chaos, even though, in a weird way it didn’t really feel chaotic.

My cousin/best friend sent me a song the other day and said “consider it for your posts”.

And here I am.

There was a verse that just hit so deep for me and truly spoke:

I’m sorry when I’ve just gone through the motions
I’m sorry when I just sang another song
Take me back to where we started
I open up my heart to You

I’m sorry when I’ve come with my agenda
I’m sorry when I forgot that You’re enough

Take me back to where we started
I open up my heart to You”

When I tell you, I just wanted to go home and just get on my knees and cry. I wanted to go home and shout that I was sorry. That I let anxiety consume me. I let depression control me. That I let my surroundings get the best of me. I was sorry that I didn’t turn to him knowing He is the answer. I was sorry that for a split second I forgot that His love is enough. That what He can give to me is more than anyone or anything on this earth can provide.  

I haven’t been mad at God. But I can’t really explain where I’ve been, because I’ve yet to understand it. What I do know, is that my mind and heart have been at war for a few weeks.

Constantly contradicting each other with God’s joy and anxiety. God’s peace with depression. God’s sufficiency with my inadequacies.

I was reminded that this uncomfortable weird unknown season isn’t for me to figure out but to just remain strong in my faith. Feed my spirit over my mind. Because even if my circumstance in this season doesn’t change, God is still God. He is still working even when it doesn’t feel like it.

And that I need to come forth even when I don’t feel enough, because He is enough. He will restore that joy.

My victory is in Him and He is all that matters.

So today I ask you: Where have you denied God’s grace in your life?

Sincerely,

Mila ♥♥

Song: 

Cody Carnes – Nothing Else