Owning My Joy

Hello March!

We made it! I don’t know about you guys but getting to March is like a breath of fresh air. January was tough and long. February came and left so quickly I don’t even remember having a moment to breathe.

In my last post, I had shared that I was in this uncomfortable weird unknown place. Man does the enemy try harder when he sees us drawing closer to God. I all of a sudden found myself surrounded by darkness. I had decided to write about it, but immediately after I was done I realized I was writing from a place of anger. I still needed time. Time to feel it, time to process, time to heal, time to find peace.

Because it felt H E A V Y.

Normally your first reaction is you dwell on it and let other people’s reality become your truth. So when they’re angry, you find yourself angry. When they’re bitter and upset about their own life, you find yourself bitter and upset about yours. These emotions are contagious, and we let people infect us. Sometimes people can be nasty, downright evil. Heartless. When people do not have God, they don’t know love. They don’t have compassion. They can even be jealous of the favor of God in your life.

They will operate in hate, because they don’t know love.

They’ll try to force feed you a bitter spoonful. And sometimes we’ll eat it because we think we have to tolerate it, as if we have to show them how strong we are and how tough we can be. But in doing so we only harm ourselves. You don’t have to hold on to everything that people throw at you. You are not who they say you are. And their words are just a reflection of what they think about themselves. And a lot of times people will want to project their insecurities onto you and make you question yourself.

And for a moment I did.

For a moment I believed what they were saying. I allowed them to get in my head and I questioned my purpose. The only reason I didn’t succumb to the things that were being thrown at me was because I managed to maintain a foundation of truth. My foundation is based on God, but God is spiritual and we live in the flesh. Its a constant battle to concentrate solely on the spirit. You need to have safeguards to remind yourself of God’s truth. My safeguards are my amazing friends. Friends that take you out of those places of darkness. Friends that tell you to stop crying, don’t stay home alone or just remind you that the offenses are just distractions from the enemy and to own your joy (thanks Tatu).

I’ve learned that this journey is long. It’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon. And in marathons there are pit stops. There are mile markers that tell you, there’s still a long way to go. But they also tell you how far you’ve gone. Remind you how far you’re going and how far God has taken you. And he’s brought you this far, he’s sure to see you through to the next marker.

And when you can’t see Gods purpose, ask for his strength. The beautiful thing about Christ is that in our weakest of times, He is the very thing that sustains us. It’s okay to call out to God. I think situations are presented to us just to remind us to call out to him. In the same way, it’s through trials that you’ll find out who is supportive and who wants to see you fall. Its through the fire that relationships are built or they crumble. It’s in the middle where you find out what routines you need to put in place and what you have to let go of.

So today I ask you: Who are you running with? What are your safeguards? How do you feed your spirit?

Sincerely,

Mila ♥♥

 

a song that got me through these past few weeks:

The Fathers Song – Upperroom

(thank you Rachel!)

Forgiveness is Starting Over

Why do we choose to not forgive others? Is it because we didn’t get an apology we think we deserved? Or we didn’t get an acknowledgement of the wrong doing? Or even worst, we didn’t get to hurt them like they hurt us?

I’m sure every person and every situation will give me a different answer.

As I’ve said before, forgiveness is one of my biggest battles in my spiritual journey. I find myself having talks with God like:

“but God they lied on me”

“but God they broke my heart”

“but God they betrayed me”

“but God they chose someone else, over me”

“but God they’re so fake”

“but God they’re bad people”

There is always a “BUT” trying to justify why I choose not to hand it over to God. Sometimes I wonder do I hold on because it’s all I have left? Or maybe because I’m afraid to start over.

As I’m writing this, I’m reflecting on the person I spoke about in my last post. I lost an important person in my life. I lost a partner and the family that we were going to become. The pain and the hurt is all I had left of that picture of “us” I had in my head. I wanted it to go back to how it was so bad, how I thought it was supposed to be. And because that could no longer happen, I chose to hold on to the pain it brought me because it’s all I had left of what was.

I knew deep down that with forgiveness came a big responsibility. It meant letting go and starting over. It meant going back to the basics and rebuilding my foundation, a new foundation.

And what a scary feeling that was.

It’s scary because we have to look in the mirror and at the end of the day we can’t blame other people. The only person you can really blame is yourself. Because we put our trust in people and putting trust in people is like building a sand castle. And when the storm comes, and the rain falls, our castle follows, because our trust was put in people to uphold us but they let us down.

So, you’re wondering what do I do with these pieces? What do I do with this regret? What do I do with this anger? What do I do with this pain? But a clean slate is the best place to start. 

And when you think you have nothing is when you can find your everything in God.

Because God can’t put something new inside of you with the old foundations that you had. In order for God to do something new he has to clear the ground.

So your tears have softened the soil. And now you can build a new foundation on what he says about you, his promises and his protection. Something that is sure from on high and not from man that’ll let you down.

It’s a new season and the work has not all been for nothing. There is a harvest and you will reap what you have sown. Bear fruit.

So today I ask you: Ask God for forgiveness for trying to build a foundation without him. And then recognize that you are forgiven, so you can start over and forgive.

Sincerely,

Mila ♥♥

See:

Build Your House on the Rock: Matthew 7:24-27

New Wine into Old Wineskins: Luke 5:36-39