A Minute

Hello.

So it’s been almost 3 months. I’m sorry.

I let my circumstances get the best of me. And as I tried to control them, in the end, it controlled me.

My plate was full, and I felt like I just couldn’t breathe. Literally. (thank you anxiety)

If you follow me on Instagram, then you know my last post was reminding everyone to breathe. No matter the circumstances, just breathe. At that point anxiety not only got the best of me mentally but physically too. 

And then… I just shut down.

A part of me feels like I failed some of you.
I get so many messages of how motivating my posts are, how my love for God is so motivating, how my positiveness brings light in to their darkness.

But I just needed a minute.

A minute to breathe. A minute to understand. A minute to pick up the pieces.

Tonight as I prayed. I just kept asking, “why did l let it beat me?”.

I knew that there was a God bigger than my fears, bigger than my circumstances. Deep down, I knew that everything would be okay. But yet, I still let my anxiety win. I still allowed myself to feel defeated knowing God’s truth.

And although I don’t have the answer as to why and how did I allow myself to get so lost in the defeat. I can tell you that He will find you just where you are, even when you yourself don’t even know where you lost yourself. And He will pick up every single shattered piece and put you back together.

See there is no perfect walk with God. Sometimes we just lose ourselves. Sometimes we feel discouraged. Sometimes we let life’s circumstance take our breath away. But the best part of having Him as the center of our world, is that in midst of the battle we remember His promises and hold tight to that.

So today I ask you: to just take a minute to BREATHE and PRAY. Hold tight to the fact that GOD’S GOT YOU no matter the circumstance!

Sincerely,

Mila ♥♥

Defender – Steffany Gretzinger | Bethel Music Worship

Distracted

It’s been a minute, I know. Strangely enough I’ve semi written three different post(s), but never finished them. By the end of this post, you may understand why.

About two weeks ago, I was feeling so uneasy. Something wasn’t right. I got up, put on some worship music and had a serious talk with God. In the midst of my tears I heard him tell me:

“YOU’RE DISTRACTED”

I can’t even begin to explain the guilt, the sadness, the shame this brought me. Because it’s TRUE! I’ve been on this race track, with different types of pit stops. For the moment, it all felt fun. I felt alive, adventurous, motivated. But the truth is, I kept making the wrong pit stops or at least they feel like the wrong pit stops. Because aren’t pit stops created to fix the issue in order to continue the race? So why didn’t I feel good enough to finish the race?

Here’s why. Those fixes were temporary fixes and not surrounded on God and His word. None of those pit stops were to check in with Him. And that’s where I went wrong.

I forgot to check in with the One in control of the race.

It’s so easy to get caught up in the high of the race that we forget. We lose sight. We become DISTRACTED! For me, checking in with God keeps me grounded, keeps me true to who I am. Without God at my center, I somehow feel like I lose control. I lose who I am.

But we serve such a forgiving and understanding God. That is the beauty of His grace. That somehow someway, in the midst of the race he flags us down. We don’t need to start the race over, but just allow him to coach us through. That is where you’ll see victory!

So today I ask you: What is distracting you from checking in with God?

Sincerely,

Mila ♥♥

song that I’m loving during this race:

Hillsong – As You Find Me

Nothing Else

Hi guys!

I can’t believe I’ve gone this long without writing. I almost feel like I treated my blog, how I’ve treated God. Like when you feel like your life has to be “perfect”, or you have to be “perfect” in order to come forth?

That’s where I’ve been..

Like I needed to be in a good place to write. The same with prayer. I’ve recognized that my prayer has been off. And prayer is EVERYTHING. That connection with God, where it keeps me grounded. I let myself get lost in the chaos, even though, in a weird way it didn’t really feel chaotic.

My cousin/best friend sent me a song the other day and said “consider it for your posts”.

And here I am.

There was a verse that just hit so deep for me and truly spoke:

I’m sorry when I’ve just gone through the motions
I’m sorry when I just sang another song
Take me back to where we started
I open up my heart to You

I’m sorry when I’ve come with my agenda
I’m sorry when I forgot that You’re enough

Take me back to where we started
I open up my heart to You”

When I tell you, I just wanted to go home and just get on my knees and cry. I wanted to go home and shout that I was sorry. That I let anxiety consume me. I let depression control me. That I let my surroundings get the best of me. I was sorry that I didn’t turn to him knowing He is the answer. I was sorry that for a split second I forgot that His love is enough. That what He can give to me is more than anyone or anything on this earth can provide.  

I haven’t been mad at God. But I can’t really explain where I’ve been, because I’ve yet to understand it. What I do know, is that my mind and heart have been at war for a few weeks.

Constantly contradicting each other with God’s joy and anxiety. God’s peace with depression. God’s sufficiency with my inadequacies.

I was reminded that this uncomfortable weird unknown season isn’t for me to figure out but to just remain strong in my faith. Feed my spirit over my mind. Because even if my circumstance in this season doesn’t change, God is still God. He is still working even when it doesn’t feel like it.

And that I need to come forth even when I don’t feel enough, because He is enough. He will restore that joy.

My victory is in Him and He is all that matters.

So today I ask you: Where have you denied God’s grace in your life?

Sincerely,

Mila ♥♥

Song: 

Cody Carnes – Nothing Else